shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
