she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
