She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
