Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize