You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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