Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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