i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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