i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
