Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize