I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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