wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize