There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
