Ketchup is God's man juice
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This beer is not sobering me up at all
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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