i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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