i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
