you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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