I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
