We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
