bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
