Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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