Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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