I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
