Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
