Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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