just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
