Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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