you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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