you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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