You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
