She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
