This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
