She's JV to your varsity
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
