You can't special order awesome
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
