ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
