I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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