I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
