I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
