I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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