I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
