i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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