Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
