Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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