he thought i was a dude.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
