Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
