yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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