I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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