remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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