Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
