Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize