Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
