Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
