So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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