my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
