Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Found the puke drawer
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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