So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
