Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
