More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
