He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
