it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He passed out mid-signature
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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