The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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