You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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