what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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