i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
