I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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