farters have to be the big spoon...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
