Me. At least after what I've been through.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
