can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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