I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
