i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
