Barsexuality is the new black.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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